This is not a pity post. Or maybe it would have been if I wrote it a few hours earlier. But I hate pity posts. I hate whining. I have limited people that I will unload my whining to and I choose to not do it online. I feel sorry for the people who I feel close enough to do that to. I am actually pretty emotional, lol. The ones I feel I have that connection with are the ones I trust the most and I know they will love me through the tears and chaos of my life. They get the worst of me and still are there waiting for me to suck it up and regain composure. I can not even begin to tell you how grateful I am for these people in my world.


But no, this is not a pity post. I may have lost it earlier, no answers, no sign of going home. Still in the ICU. Tired, confused. But no, hope came as it always does. That's what life is. If you give it a minute it will be okay. For the most part all things work out. Or if they don't you gain strength.

You see I had nearly forgotten what I DO have to be grateful for. I may not understand why my health is not what I want it to be, nor do the doctors who keep saying "it's very odd." Not a really reassuring comment to hear again and again; however my life is really beautiful.

I am in a new room. They moved me from the ICU. I got to walk around! More importantly I am able to see my kids!!!!

They did a liver test for some reason my cells were elevated but it looks normal. (Evelyn this reminded me of you and I forgot to respond to your sweet comments earlier which meant more than you know, loves you).

I am so happy the ultrasound came back okay and they did some blood test to try to further pinpoint the allergy, which seems to be a deeper mystery over time.

I should have those results on Monday. I am hoping they let me out before then but I have been told that is wishful thinking. They are terrified the minute I walk out the door I will have another attack.

Seeing how this seems to be coming from literally nowhere it's a good assumption I suppose.

I have to say I have seen some sadness while I'm here. That's what woke me up to my own gratitude. I am not in a situation without hope. It just seems hopeless at times. I am able to move, I am able to smile.... see.... This was my "I'm outside" smile:)

 
I have these beautiful children who are waiting for me to come home. And who made me laugh and smile.

Josh has been compassionate and so have the people in my life who love me.

No this is not a pity post. It's not a "why me" diatribe of my situation.

I may have seen deaths doorstep with this one but I was lucky enough to be at the wrong address. Life is waiting for me to move forward only. I am not as stuck as I felt earlier.

While this kind of shock on your body is not something to be taken lightly (so I've been told anyway) I am not going to let it own me. I will be running again soon. I think about it constantly in here.

I will be back at work and happy again... which reminds me look what I found down stairs Peggy and Jeri:) :) It would take me an hour to get rid of them, ha ha.